Holiday Harmony: Taming Holiday Triggers

By Nikki Zamkoff, LMHC

Ah, the holidays—the most wonderful time of the year. But the holiday season can be grueling for many, and if that's you, please know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. It’s natural to dread certain aspects while simultaneously loving others, like spending time with x or looking forward to y. Black-and-white thinking can prevent us from enjoying the little things that make this season special, and exacerbate the parts that bring us pain because we simply aren't prepared to navigate it. So as my gift to you, I've created a guide of the universal challenges that so many of us face, and exactly how to get yourself through. This year can be different. Here's how: 

Family Dynamics

This can be the most challenging aspect to navigate: an uncle with radically different political views, a grandmother constantly asking when you’re having a baby, or a mother who is hypercritical of everything you do.

Here's what you can do:

• Limit the amount of time you spend at events.

• Stay in a hotel rather than with family.

• Have an exit plan and share it with your partner in advance.

• Set boundaries around topics you don’t want to discuss.

• Prepare scripts for potentially difficult conversations.

• Remember, you have the power to change the subject.

Example Scripts:

• “I’d rather not talk about politics this year.”

• Use the sandwich technique (+, -, +): “I know your questions come from a place of excitement and love for me. But I hope you can trust that I’m making the decisions that are best for me, even if they’re on a different timeline than you might expect. I’m grateful to have family who cares so much—thank you for being in my corner!”

• “I’m leaving at 8 p.m.”

• “I’m not working currently, but I’m really looking forward to finding something I enjoy. What do you enjoy about what you do?”

Grief

It is expected in the grieving process that holidays will be particularly difficult. You may miss your loved one or feel disconnected from others.

Here's what you can do:

• Allow yourself to grieve and experience emotions in a way that feels safe and comfortable. 

• Remember, there is no "right" way to grieve.

• Ask for help and support if you need it. Your Therapy in the City therapist is here for you.

• Create new traditions to honor your loved one.

Loneliness

The emphasis on togetherness during this season can heighten feelings of loneliness, especially for those without a strong social network, those who live far from loved ones, or those navigating life changes like divorce or relocation.

Here's what you can do:

• Plan intentional connections ahead of time (even virtually).

• Limit social media exposure.

• Create a personal tradition (e.g., volunteering or watching your favorite movie).

• Say “no” to invitations that feel more obligatory than meaningful.

Financial Stress

The pressure to buy gifts, host parties, and travel can lead to spending beyond your means.

Here's what you can do:

• Set a budget and stick to it.

• Communicate your financial limits.

• Suggest Secret Santa or White Elephant gift exchanges instead of buying individual gifts.

• Consider creative or DIY gifts.

Food and Body Image

This topic often becomes more challenging during the holidays, whether due to comments about weight or inner struggles with food.

Here's what you can do:

• With Yourself: Practice self-compassion. Reframe food choices as opportunities for nourishment and enjoyment, not moral decisions.

• With Others: Redirect conversations politely: “I’d rather talk about something else—how have you been?” or “I’m focusing on enjoying the holiday and not worrying about food today.” Decline pressure for seconds or certain foods with a simple “No, thank you,” without feeling the need to explain.

• In Social Settings: Decide ahead of time how long you will stay and take breaks as needed.

• With Routines: Continue habits that support your well being and challenge perfectionism. Use acceptance that it’s ok to deviate during the holidays. 

• You got this. Happy holidays to you and yours.